You were created to be unique. He spent time shaping you and making you into exactly who He wanted you to be. He knows everything about you and He loves you.

You were created to be unique. He spent time shaping you and making you into exactly who He wanted you to be. He knows everything about you and He loves you.

In October Ron and I celebrated our 33rd anniversary . In honor of the amazing person i married I decided to share a memory every Monday from our life together.

So let’s start at the beginning…the first time we met (that we actually talked). My cousin had invited me out on the Salvation Army canteen truck for years. Guess it was finally the right time. The truck and volunteers drove around the city of Cleveland to areas with high population of homelessness and would park and feed people.
That night in July I was still recovering from surgery but doing pretty well. Before we started the night there was always prayer. That night Ron (who was in charge of the weekends) asked if he could pray for me. Of course I said yes.
So Ron stood in front of me, put his hand on my head and prayed in a way that was both powerful and intimate at the same time. I don’t think I ever heard anyone pray for me like that before.
The thought that immediately popped into my head (which I think was God speaking to me) was, “Now that’s the kind of man I need to marry.”
Yesterday my husband and I were driving home from my son’s house when something in the sky struck me in a profound way.
The skies were typical Cleveland grey for this time of year, but there was one tiny hole in the clouds where you could clearly see the bluest sky you can imagine.
What I realized was that what I could see from my perspective were gloomy grey skies. But if I were above the clouds I would realize that the skies above are the most clear beautiful blue.
Psalms 139:12b says “The darkness and the light are both alike to You.” Our Heavenly Father sees from a different vantage point and knows that while all we can see in the moment are the grey skies He knows that right behind the clouds the skies are blue and it’s just a matter of time before the darkness clears and the sun shines.
if you are going through a grey season. Be patient. Wait on God. We can have hope in every season because He will bring the light again into our lives. He loves you and He sees the whole picture. His plan is perfect. And you are perfectly loved.

It’s a cold day today and it made me think of a sweet, scraggly, old Mexican homeless man named Louis.
Ron introduced me to Louis on the steps of the Old Stone Church in downtown Cleveland. For a long time Ron had spent evenings with him reading Scriptures and talking to him. But Louis had never spoken to him. So that first night I went out on the Salvation Army truck Ron introduced me and left me there on the steps with him.
I came back in the truck and told Ron, “Did you know he is a musician from Mexico. He came here to play music and has been homeless 40 years?” Ron knew none of that. He asked, “How did you find out all that?” I told him I just asked.
Louis stole my heart. I spent time with him every weekend. When it was cold I’d bring him on the truck in the heat, give him some hot chocolate and just spend time talking to him. I loved that scraggly bearded old man.
Eventually we didn’t see him anymore. He probably passed away. He was someone who if you saw him on the street you might cross the street to not walk by him. Most would never know his name or have a conversation with him. He slept outside on the street and you might see him and think he’s not worth your time.
But taking the time to get to know him I found a man with a heart of gold who lived a very hard life. He is one of the reasons I love hearing people’s stories. Every face has a story. I was blessed to know his.
Last night I couldn’t sleep so I found myself scrolling Facebook. (Is it just me or do you do the same in the wee hours of the morning?) I landed on a video of a childhood friend, her sister and mom all in the kitchen making cookies. My friend’s sister was doing the taping, asking her mom to tell the story of when her family came over from Italy. It was a pretty long video and I watched every moment, feeling like I was right there in the kitchen with them. The three ladies laughed together, reminisced and had a very special moment together. Although, I suspect for them, they were just having a typical afternoon.
For me, it was anything but a “typical” moment. I found myself asking God alot of questions. Questions like, “We grew up together, went to the same church, attended the same youth group. We both came from Italian families. Why do they have such a close relationship and get to have such “normal” moments and what I got was a broken family and exclusion?”
Watching them both drew me in and made me smile and at the same time made my heart sad and homesick for normalsy. That’s my typical response to things that remind me of my past. It’s like when I hear the song “Because He Lives” that my mom would sing all the time in our home. On one hand it feels comforting like home. On the other I want to push it out of my mind because I feel the sadness that my adult life was robbed of the family I grew up with.
God does not want me to reframe my past to be just the trauma, hurt and rejection…but to allow myself to remember and talk about the good moments.
BUT last night God (there’s always a ‘BUT GOD’) used the moment to reveal something about myself. When I look at my life growing up and as an adult in regards to my (birth)family relationships I have a huge tendency to shut out any good memories and only remember the struggles. I make my focus when I look back on my life on what I’ve survived and overcome. When I speak to groups and share my testimony (as many do) I share my story of how I’ve overcome, how God carried me through, and allowed me to thrive and use it for His glory. And that’s all ok. After all we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.
What God reminded me of last night was that the good moments of my life are just as responsible for making me who I am today as the hard stuff. I did have many moments in my grandma’s kitchen baking cookies and listening to her stories. I had moments with my mom talking about all kinds of things and seasons when we were close. There were many Saturdays doing puzzles or playing Monopoly with my dad. I realized I’ve packed up and boxed away so many of my good memories because to rememer the good makes me long for what was taken away.
God does not want me to reframe my past to be just the trauma, hurt and rejection I experienced but to allow myself to remeber and talk about the good moments. The hard part for me is remembering the special moments without feeling the loss. After all, I want my kids to hear all the happy, fun things about my life, what being part of an Italian family was like, and what being part of a wonderful church was like for me. It’s not just part of my life, it’s part of my children’s heritage.

Listen, none of us have arrived. I am pretty grateful that I have lived through what I’ve lived through and have joy, peace and know what being loved by my God feels like. But just maybe this is my next step in the healing process, embracing all of what my life has been, the good, the bad and the silly.
And I hope some day my kids will look back fondly on the moments when we sat around my table eating pasta, laughing and enjoying moments together.